This is one of the most detailed accounts given in all of scripture. The emotional ride is intense and there are really no words to describe the feelings that are swirling all around the scene. We are observing an internal battle within the soul of Joseph. I think - in the midst of the returned monies, the silver cup, the in and out of prison, the hostage and the demands for Benjamin - we have a front row seat to the turmoil raging within Joseph.
Joseph had "chosen" to put his childhood pain out of his conscious mind. We see that in the way he named his first son. But with the appearance of his brothers - these Hebrew shepherds - the unresolved pain exploded to the surface. What follows is the tumult of Joseph figuring out how to respond.
Listen to Naomi Rosenblatt:
Try as we might to repress painful memories, they inevitably resurface at other times of our lives, when we least expect them. The most extreme examples of this phenomenon are cases of childhood abuse in which the victims repress all memory of the events for decades. The unresolved pain of these incidents, though consciously forgotten, continues to wreak havoc on personal relationships. Pain is not a tidy emotion that we can conveniently tuck away out of sight. Repressed traumas eventually reemerge. When they do, we have an opportunity to resolve the pain and damage done years earlier. But not without courage and hard work.I don't think Joseph knew what he was going to do. Would he exact revenge? Did he want them to feel the helplessness, the abandonment that they had inflicted upon him? Did he want to see them afraid? I think the answer to all of the above is "Yes!"
The turning point comes in chapter 44:18. Judah steps up. Judah - the brother whose idea it was to sell Joseph (37:26) - steps up. Can you imagine the courage it took for this accused Hebrew to walk up to the viceroy of all Egypt to have a private conversation - without being invited? In his plea, Judah unawares uses all of the "emotional hot buttons" for Joseph. He speaks of the aged father, his inconsolable grief, the "dead" son, the mother, the only remaining son of the mother - and Joseph's insides must have been contorting with memory and pain. Then Judah offers himself in exchange for Benjamin. What a 180 degree turn from the Judah who had led the exile of Joseph.
I see a picture of my Lord, Jesus, here. Judah - offering himself so that Benjamin could remain free. I can hear Jesus talking about "laying down his life for his friends". I can hear him talking about his coming that we might be free from sin and death ... that we might be reconciled to the "Father". One of the names for Jesus is "Lion of Judah".
And Joseph's heart is rent open ... he can contain his emotion no longer ... his desire for revenge and punishment melts away in the light of Judah's willingness to give himself up for Benjamin and Jacob. And Joseph forgives. Joseph even tries to assuage the guilt of the brothers. Love and hatred have been at war ... and love comes out victorious.
Where are love and hatred waging war in your own spirit? Catullus, a Roman writing in 1BC said: "I hate and love. You ask, perhaps, how can that be? I know not, but I feel the agony." If you are in that war zone, you, too, can feel the agony. What to do? Offer forgiveness. It is the only antidote. It alone provides healing for a tormented soul. Revenge never works. Leave that in God's hands.
Another point that strikes me ... Joseph does a transformation here as well. When he had the dreams in his youth about his brothers bowing down to him ... I think he saw the dreams as ruler and servants. Now, in the current circumstances, I think Joseph sees those dreams as a preview of his brothers being dependent upon him. Joseph has become a man.
Let's close with one touch of humor in this passage. I don't think we ever outgrow the desire to impress our parents. Did you see that Joseph, twice, tells his brothers to be sure and tell Jacob about his position in Egypt. He gives the credit to God, not to himself ... but he really wants his daddy to know. I get that! How about you?
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