Forgive - Again? (Matthew 18 - P 47)

Keep in mind that Chapter 18 of Matthew reports a conversation.  The conversation is between Jesus and his disciples.  It is a conversation triggered by a question about life in the kingdom of heaven.  And, as conversations do, it has morphed through several topics.  The conversation is about to morph again as Peter steps up and asks another question.

Read Matthew 18: 21 - 35

Peter really wants to know.  Don't you?  How many times, Lord?  How many times?  What is the requirement?  Where is the limit?  I don't want to fall short.  But I certainly don't want to be an over achiever either!  So tell me how many times I have to forgive ... and I'll do it.  I'll even a keep a ledger so that I don't cut it short.  How many times, Lord?

So Jesus tells a story.  It almost could fit into the "theater of the absurd" genre.  The extreme difference in the debts is absurd.  I have read that the total annual revenue from the entire province of Galilee at this time was around 300 talents.  And a talent was worth more than 15 years' wages for a working man.  Jesus selected the absurd amount of 10,000 talents for the first debt.  The second debt is minuscule in comparison.  One hundred denarii.  A denarius was the usual day wage for a laborer.  Jesus' point?  It's rather obvious, no?  When we have been forgiven a debt that was absolutely unpayable ... forgiven by God ... slate wiped clean, how dare we not pass on forgiveness to anyone around us.  Any wrongs done to me ... even the deep, sometimes devastating ones ... CANNOT be compared to the debt that God has forgiven me.  Jesus says in another place, "Freely you have received, freely give."  (Matthew 10:8)   He is speaking about ministry ... but I think we can apply it to forgiveness as well.  

Let me share some observations about forgiveness.  You are welcome to share your own observations.  In fact, it would be great for us to begin to build a list ... a "Things I Have Learned About Forgiveness" list.  It perhaps would prove a useful tool and a gift we could give to each other.  

Things I Have Learned About Forgiveness

1. It matters.  I know this because Jesus speaks of it often.  I know this because Jesus links our receiving forgiveness to the spirit with which we choose to forgive.  So it matters.  This issue cannot be swept under the rug for another day.  We can't wait until we want to ... or feel more like it ... or the pain is not as sharp, or, etc.  It matters.It is a gift that I give to myself more than to the person I am forgiving.  
2. It is the road I must walk to free my own heart from bitterness and resentment.
3. It frees me from the other person's control.  My heart is released.  The "other" no longer has the power to effect my mood or spirit or sense of calm and serenity.
4. For me, it has proven itself to be a multi-step process.  the deeper the hurt or wound, the more layers of forgiveness must be practiced.  I have found that Jesus often whispers to me, "I know you forgave     (  ), but now we must take it a little deeper."
5. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
6. "Forgive and forget" is a cute cliche, but I find that it doesn't work.  I can't forget.  I have found that memory will fade - its sharpest edges get filed off over years - but it doesn't completely go away.  I can only address the place where I find myself right now.  Who knows?  maybe by the end of my years on this earth I can say ... Yes, my friends, forgive and forget!  But since i cannot totally forget I have to find something to do with the scars.  I have found that turning the scars into catalysts for praise works for me.  When I remember or see one of the scars, I try to turn it immediately into praise to my Father who got me through it, or held me up in it, eased the pain, or allowed me to suffer in Jesus' name, or brought resolution, or protection or (you keep going for yourself).  How can your scars be catalysts for praise?
7. Forgiveness does not absolve the other party of consequences and responsibility for their own actions.  that's not my business.  That belongs in God's hands.  So leave it there.  My job is to forgive.
8. It's hard.  
9. It's the heart of God.  As you and I are more and more transformed into the image of our master, forgiveness becomes more and more a part of the very essence of our being.
10. It is born out of love.
11. You don't have to be asked ... or apologized to.  Sure, it's nice ... but it is not a necessity.  Forgiveness is not a two way street.  I forgive because God told me to ... because God said it was an important thing for me to do ... because it imitates God.
12. Forgiveness does not mean that I continue to subject myself to abusive and/or hurtful behavior from some "other".  Sometimes we must forgive ... and walk away.  And in extreme circumstances, we walk away ... and work on the forgiveness piece when in a safe place.  

I may think of more as the days progress ... and I will add them if I do.  Do you have some to add?  What have you learned about forgiveness as you have wrestled with this issue?  What I can say for certain ... it is worth the effort!  Never forget that sometimes we find ourselves in the position of needing to pray ...

"Lord, give me the desire to forgive.  Help me want to.  I can't seem to get the "want to" in place.  I have the "should" in place ... but I desperately need the "want to".  And by Your power and Your Spirit ... take me there."