Marriage vs Divorce (Matthew 19 - P 48)

Jesus leaves his conversation with his disciples and once again moves into the crowd.  As we observe Matthew 19, try and place yourself in the position of the disciples.  You are with Jesus because you believe in him and you, as a disciple and follower, are watching and listening to his words.  Notice the questions they ask and the reactions they exhibit.  I think you will be able to identify with them!  I certainly can ...

Read Matthew 19: 1 - 12

Why is the question from the Pharisees a trap?  Let's consider some possibilities ...

First, remember that John the Baptist had been beheaded because of his view on marriage and his confrontation with Herod over his marriage.  Perhaps these Pharisees saw a way to trap Jesus into the same controversy.

Second, divorce at this particular time was a topic of division among the Jews.  (Hmmm ... times don't change much, do they?)  The law being referenced is found in Deuteronomy 24: 1 - 2:

Suppose a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she does not please him because he finds something objectionable about her, and so he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house; she then leaves his house and goes off to become another man's wife.

You can see the point of the debate would revolve around the "something objectionable".  And that is exactly where the controversy swirled.  One interpretation followed the teachings of Rabbi Shammai.  This school of thought was that the objectionable thing would be nothing other than adultery.  However, there was another school of thought that followed the interpretation of Rabbi Hillel.  According to William Barclay:

They said that it meant that a man could divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner; if she spun, or went with unbound hair, or spoke to men in the streets; if she spoke disrespectfully of his parent in his presence; if she was an argumentative woman whose voice could be heard in the next house.  Rabbi Akiba even went to the lengths of saying that the phrase if she does not please him meant that a man could divorce his wife if he found a woman whom he liked better and considered more beautiful.

Can you guess which school of thought was the most popular - the one that prevailed in that culture?  Right - Hillel.  Same in our day, no?  The primary difference is that in our day women can do the divorcing as well as men.  There are further interesting details about desertion and sterility and insanity ... but we don't have space!  These Pharisees likely wanted to get Jesus embroiled in the controversy.  And Jesus' response was astounding.

He did not jump into the debate.  He directed the questioners back to the ideal - back to the principle rather than a law.  God created ... male and female ... united them ... and they became one flesh.  So is marriage to be.  Moses never 'commanded' divorce ... he permitted it under certain stipulations as a concession to the lost ideal.  

So what do we do with Jesus' words - both to the Pharisees and to his disciples after they challenge the wisdom in marrying at all?  I offer a few observations that come to mind as I contemplate Jesus' words.

1. The marriage ideal is one man and one woman - united - one flesh - lifetime
2. Divorce happens in our fallen world and fallen state - we do have hard hearts!
3. Divorce is sin - not unforgivable sin - but sin.  Remember the definition of sin - falling short of the ideal of God, the person of God.  
4. Marriage is not the way to go for everyone.  In our churches we have often left the impression that being married is the only way to lead a fulfilled life.  Jesus disagrees.  We have often primarily catered to couples and couples with children.  That is unfortunate ... and thoughtless. 

How do we apply these words of Jesus?  Again, a few observations.

1. If you are single ... that's not a bad thing.  Ask God to show you how to serve him more fully as you are.  Don't waste energy and heart on wishing away your current place in the kingdom.  
2. If you are divorced ... confess the sin ... always remembering that God forgives and cleanses and gives fresh starts.
3. If you are married and contemplating divorce ... slow down.  If you are not in an abusive situation, slow down.  It may not be the answer you think it will be.  How can you strive toward God's ideal?  Seem impossible?  In your strength it most likely is.  But if you are a believer, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, you have access to power beyond your own strength.  
4. If you are married ... treat that marriage as a gift from God to be cared for and nurtured.  Again, allow me to quote from Barclay:

The true basis of marriage is not complicated and difficult to understand - it is simply the love which thinks more of the happiness of others than it thinks of its own, the love which is proud to serve, which is able to understand, and therefore always able to forgive.  That is to say, it is the Christlike love, which knows that in forgetting self it will find self, and that in losing itself it will complete itself.

Please know that I offer no placebo solutions to the difficulties of marriage and/or singleness.  The challenges are many.  The struggles are real and complex.  My own marriage has soared and plummeted at different times throughout the last 44 years.  But I hear Jesus calling us back to the ideal ... back to the Garden ... back to the heart of God.  And I do want to go!  Can you hear him?